Failed Artist - Part 1

I'm calling it part 1 because I've failed a bunch and it will probably come up again.

The other day I wrote about my love for photographs in the fog. I mentioned that at one point I even went as far as buying a fog machine so I could shoot an in-studio portrait series of models in the fog. I was calling it Gloom. It did not work. It failed.

The upside to trying Gloom was that I got to shoot with some great models, some of whom I would cast in future paying jobs, almost making up for having them come to my studio to be a part of my bad idea. It’s how I met Hattie Watson, and she’s cool, and we shot this portrait that I still really like, even if it is fog-free:

Hattie Watson not in the fog

Getting started on a new project can be difficult, especially as you get older and have less free time. Will it be a waste of time AND money (probably), and will I embarrass myself with its failure (also probably)? You just have to learn to live with that, I still struggle with it so maybe writing here about some failed projects will help me deal. As I said, I understand that things can be gained from projects that don’t work, fall apart, or fizzle out. I have learned from my failures, and I’d like to say that that makes them a type of success, but my brain is not wired that way. I resent them. Here is an example.

Failure number 1: The Influence Project

While on a long drive with my family, I was listening to an episode of This American Life. A producer on the show, Sarah Koenig, was talking about her father Julian (this is before Sarah would become famous for Serial). She told wonderful and interesting stories about her dad, like how he claimed to have invented thumb wrestling. Julian was a famous advertising copywriter (You can learn about him here or listen to the TAL episode here). I really wanted to take a portrait of him. When I got back to New York I tracked down an email for Sarah and asked if she could put me in touch with her dad and if he might allow me to come to his apartment and take some photos. She wrote back and said she liked the idea. If I remember correctly he had recently had surgery and was stuck at home. She wanted some new portraits of him so she’d help me make it happen.

When I arrived at his apartment his nurse let me in. She seemed to not have been informed that I was coming, but after some discussion, it was sorted out. I was the photographer Sarah had told him to let come over for some photographs. He was what I’d hoped he would be: Interesting and funny and very blunt. I was allowed over because his daughter had asked him to do it. It was clear that this was for her. I told him I understood and that I appreciated his time. I probably spent 30 minutes in his apartment, asking questions about his life, and taking photos between stories. The light was bad, I rushed it, and he seemed uninterested in the photography part of the visit, but I loved it all anyway. I don’t think I could have articulated it then, but it was what I really wanted. I just wanted to meet him, and photography allowed that. This is probably how many writers come up with who they’d like to write profiles of, but I’m not a writer (I know it’s hard to tell), so this was a bit of a revelation to me. I decided I’d start a portrait series as an excuse to photograph people I was interested in. I called it The Influence Project, as I thought a good thread would be that it’s all portraits of people who had had a major influence on whatever they did, like how Julian Koenig changed advertising.

My afternoon with Julian had gone pretty much how I’d hoped (except I should have brought a light or two). I wanted to do this same thing over and over, and the series started strong, but eventually, it just wasn’t working anymore.

Next week I’ll write about some of the other portraits I shot and why I think the project failed in the end.

Am I using italics right? It feels right but probably isn’t.

Julian Koenig in his New York City Apartment, wondering what I’m doing there.

While writing this I was listening to: