Figuring Out What I Am Bad At

What I’m saying is that sometimes finding out what you’re bad at will lead you to find out what you are good at, and more importantly, what makes you happy. At least that’s how it worked for me.

What I am also saying is that maybe sometimes it is OK to put what should be the last paragraph of something right at the very beginning.

Like everybody in college, I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do, and also, who I wanted to be. I was lucky in that I knew pretty early on that I wanted to be a photographer, I just didn’t know what kind. I was heavily influenced by my favorite photographers (including a few of my teachers) and I often made photos that looked like theirs. That’s normal, that’s how it goes. But what do you do when you are done with school and you want to be a photographer and also pay rent and the landlord won’t accept your shitty wannabe Robert Frank prints instead of actual money?

Well, if you are in Brooklyn the first thing to do is get a bunch of roommates and sometimes turn living rooms into bedrooms and see how low you can get your share of the rent. Then you get yourself a day job (except for me it was more of a night job). I worked as a barista and bartender at a place that was somehow both a coffee shop and a bar. During the day I would occasionally assist photographers, but mostly I would sit around drinking coffee with my friends. Eventually, I was able to become first assistant to a photographer who worked often enough that I could quit my night job. I was relieved to get some sleep but missed the pile of soggy bartop dollars I always had in my pocket (and never paid taxes on). There were quite a few stretches where things got really slow and I regretted quitting. That was my first experience with what is known as “The Freelance Terrors” and they never really go away, at least until you (I) marry someone with a steady job and healthcare. I believe that there is a landlord in South Williamsburg I still owe some money to. Sorry Jacob.

Before the day and night jobs, and even before I graduated, I was able to cross a few potential career options off the list. I had taken some cross-country trips, shooting all over, and I twice went to South America, photographing for a group working to bring healthcare and reliable clean water to villages high in the Andes. These were all amazing trips, they were great adventures and also a good way to find out that I wasn’t going to be a world-traveling photojournalist. After a few years of trips, I felt like I didn’t want to do that for a while. It would seem that I wasn’t cut out for that type of work if I was burned out on it before it ever really started.

I could barely breathe, but the guide takes a smoke break at high altitude.

It was the assisting where I learned pretty much everything I know about the business of photography (not much to be honest), and about myself (a little more maybe?).

I assisted a lot of great photographers doing a lot of different work. I don’t think I was aware of it at the time, but I was sampling the options of work out there. I learned pretty quickly that I was not patient enough for still-life photography. I worked for some good ones, and I was always so impressed by their ability to focus on the little details that made their photos work. The same is true for food photography. I have a lot of family in the food business (chefs, writers, food science, etc). I think I easily could have used that to my advantage and skipped some steps into that world. Sidenote: In some ways I did, because I work with my brother-in-law all the time. but anybody who knows Dave knows that shooting with him is not like shooting typical food or still life, but more like photojournalism. He and his brain never stop. He has more than once asked me if I have “got it” before I have even pointed my camera at “it”. This actually suits me pretty well, we get along and both prefer the fast pace.

Back to assisting, along with the obvious stuff like lighting and cameras, I was learning what kind of person I wanted to be. I could see how people relate to clients, the crew, the talent, all of it. I picked up pretty quickly that it was important to work hard and be good, but it was just as important to be the type of person people wanted to spend the day with. Of course, there are plenty of photographers who are very successful and are also terrible to spend the day with, I worked for a few, but still, I think the idea holds up, if you’re not a celebrity asshole, who’d better be pleasant at lunch.

I figured out that I like working fast and I like photographing people. That led me to shoot some fashion. I met a lot of great people working in the fashion industry. The shitty people I came across were by far the exception. It is incredibly competitive and that can make it pretty unpleasant at times, but I think that is true of most businesses. The issue I had was that I was very disinterested in the fantasy of so much fashion photography. The make-believe element required for so much of the shooting did nothing for me. I found myself really responding to the photos taken of the models between setups, and things like that. Unfortunately, those photos don’t sell clothes or makeup or whatever. I found it really helps if the photos the client wants are also the ones that get you excited. They rarely want to hear “Yeah that looks good but check out this one where the model’s makeup is only half done and you can barely see the clothes!”.

This photo is “not good” for selling dresses.

That’s how I landed where I am now. I’m shooting people still, mostly, but more grounded in reality, with very little fantasy. I am more interested in shooting a person on their couch than I am in photographing a model sitting on a horse. If it doesn’t feel real, it rarely holds my interest.

So it would seem it is portraits for me. It just took me being not so-great at some other things to figure it out.

Travis

While writing this I was listening to: