My Brother-In-Law Is a Photographer
I recently recommended a good friend of mine for a project I’m working on. We were looking for a director of photography for filming in New York City, so I said I knew a great DP. That was true, he’s great, he’s more than qualified, easy to work with, and happens to be one of my best friends. When I first mentioned him as a possible option I found myself downplaying the friendship part of our relationship, and leaning into the work history. I didn’t lie, I just didn’t mention it, because I didn’t want it to seem like I wanted to work with my friends. I am aware of how it sounds when someone says “My (fill in the blank) is a photographer”.
In hindsight, I don’t think there was any reason for me to downplay our friendship. Maybe there would have been an early hint of skepticism and a bit less surprise when it came up that he was in my wedding, but it would have been fine in the end. The quality of work would prove me right.
Years ago something similar happened, but in this case, I was the recommended hire. My brother-in-law Dave had a book deal with WW Norton to write a cocktail book. His editor at Norton was the legendary cookbook editor Maria Guarnaschelli (mother of chef Alex Guarnaschelli). He and I have collaborated many times and worked well together, so he recommended to Maria that I shoot the book. She heard him say “My brother-in-law is a photographer” and she shut it down immediately, “No. Never work with family,” she told him. He replied "OK, I think I know somebody else," and then recommended me, his now secret brother-in-law. Dave works in a style of brilliant chaos that would be very difficult to photograph if you don’t know him well. I do, and honestly, I’m not sure who else could have made this book with him.
Over the next year or so, we shot his book. We had multiple meetings with Maria at her office, pretending we only know each other from work, that our wives are NOT sisters, and we do NOT live across the street from one another, and we do NOT eat dinner together every Sunday night. Most of the time it wasn’t too hard, Maria usually only wanted to get updates on the book and I let Dave do most of the talking. The trickiest moment came one November, when she asked what we were doing for Thanksgiving. “I’m going to be in Connecticut with family” Dave responded. Maria turned to me. “What about you?” I of course was going to be sitting next to Dave in Connecticut. “I. am. also. going. to. Connecticut.” I stammered. Then I held my breath and waited for the follow-up questions I didn’t have answers to. I didn’t want to lie, but I also didn’t think it was a good time to mention that we were in fact, family. Thankfully she shrugged it off and moved on. I’ve never been so relieved.
We’d figured maybe we would tell her after the book came out and we’d proven I was the right person to shoot it, but we never did, even after the book was a success and won a James Beard award. Maybe it got back to her at some point and she just decided she liked me and Dave, and his book, enough that she didn’t care anymore. She probably would have cared if the book had not done so well.
After Maria passed away, Dave did eventually tell her daughter Alex the story. She insists her mom never knew. You can listen to him tell the story here (at roughly the 32-minute mark).
I’d like to say that I learned a lesson from these experiences. Sometimes when someone says that their “cousin is a painter” or their college roommate “does graphic design” it’s true, and they’re great, but I didn’t learn anything. When someone tells me their brother-in-law is a photographer, I still hear: My brother-in-law is a “photographer”.
If you love cocktails you will love Dave’s book.
Travis
While writing this I was listening to: